Caffeine

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In the meantime, Laura (KATHERINE HEIGL), a shy, hesitant young woman recently out of a relationship, waits for a blind date arranged by her brother-in-law Sean. Steve (DAZ CRAWFORD) opens the date by bragging about his new pump action shotgun (”It’s great for killing pigeons, the dirty little bastards”) and telling Laura that her brother-in-law is a compulsive masturbator. The loud, abrasive, hyper-masculine Steve must be the worst blind date of all time. The timid Laura finally works up the confidence to bid Steve adieu and retreats to the toilets where she is welcomed by Angela’s retching. The two strangers bond and share war stories from the front lines of the battle between the sexes. Laura suggests that perhaps a commitment from a man who opts to wear women’s underwear is better than no commitment at all.

Returning from the restroom, Mike is horrified to discover his ex-girlfriend has also turned up at the café with a date. In fact, it is Laura with the blind date from hell, Steve; but Mike misreads the body language and mistakenly thinks they are getting along swimmingly. He is even more miserable than before.

As the lunch rush descends on the café, it becomes painfully apparent that the place is falling apart and Rachel needs Charlie to be at work in the kitchen to restore order. Especially because her prospective new employer will arrive any minute. In the café, Lucy’s dementia causes her to mistake the youthful Mike for her long-dead, depraved husband. Meanwhile, Mike has worked up the nerve to introduce himself to the ex-porn queen Gloria. But it’s all for naught, as Lucy attacks Mike, wrestles him into a headlock while screaming “pervert” at the top of her lungs. After a wicked forehand with a rolled newspaper nearly decapitates Mike, Lucy is tossed from the café by Tom and Dylan…upsetting Vanessa who searches the neighborhood in vain for her grandmother.

With Vanessa missing and Dylan scarcely helping, Tom becomes nearly hystrerical amidst the chaos and the mounting numbers of back orders and threatens to quit. Rachel begs him to stay, revealing her secret about the job offer and surprise inspection. Always loyal, Tom relents, only if Charlie is let back in the kitchen. Rachel reluctantly agrees.

Wandering the streets muttering to herself, Lucy spies something interesting in a car. Could it be a pump action shotgun?

In the kitchen, Charlie has asked each member of the café staff about the condom and concluded that Rachel slept with Dylan to avenge his infidelity. Unhinged by visions of Rachel and Dylan drunkenly romancing each other, Charlie, with impeccable timing, storms into the café to express his undying love for Rachel….creating quite the scene just as Mr. Davies (NEIL DICKSON) from The Marion arrives. Rachel is mortified.

Dude (HAL OSZAN), a spaced-out American hippie with guitar in tow, determines this is the perfect moment to serenade them with his ridiculously morbid original song “I Wish I Was Dead.” Mr. Davies, as well as the customers at the Black Cat Café, is appalled. Mike, however, is moved to tears. Returning to their table, Angela gives David and John three ultimatums: she’s wearing the dress at the wedding; they’ll buy David his own set of underwear so hers won’t be stretched out of shape; and if anyone ever finds out about this, she will kill them both. David and Angela leave the bewildered John with the bill.

Deeply moved by Dude’s song, Mike decides to ignore Danny’s advice and try to make up with Laura. However, their conversation is cut short by the powerful blast of a shotgun wielded by – who else? – Lucy, the mumbling old woman who mistook Mike for her philandering husband. She has come to take Mike home to cure him of his “problem”. Everyone ducks for cover as the gun fires a second time into the wall. Dylan, who just learned that the publishers passed on his novel, breaks out of his funk and crashes a plate over Lucy’s head knocking her unconscious. Vanessa rushes in to her aid.

Startled by the sound of the blasts, Rachel excuses herself from her interview with Davies and restores order in the cafe. Charlie, meanwhile, races into the office to calm a confused Mr. Davies, and sings Rachel’s praises, knowing that if she gets the job, she’ll be leaving the café and, quite possibly, him behind. Rachel overhears Charlie’s conversation with Davies and is clearly moved by this selfless behavior.

Mike confides in Danny that the shotgun blast so terrified him that he shat his pants. Literally. Danny is shocked by this declaration, and carefully helps Mike toward the door, where they nearly collide with Laura who has just emerged from the ladies room. Embarrassed at first, Mike realizes this is his chance to connect with Laura and hesitantly asks if maybe he can call her sometime. After suffering the likes of Steve, she is clearly elated by the prospect. Then she asks “What’s that smell?” just as an irate Danny drags Mike out the door.

After Mr. Davies leaves the cafe, Rachel tells Charlie he has offered her the job but she isn’t sure she should accept. Charlie encourages her to take it. They both join the rest of the wait staff in the kitchen, where Rachel announces that she’s decided to take the Marion job. Tom’s eyes well up. He’s clearly emotionally bruised from the chaos of the day. Rachel pulls him aside asking if he’ll replace her as manager of the Black Cat. He tearfully accepts.

Later that afternoon, a calm has replaced the lunch hour chaos at the café and Rachel and Charlie talk about all that has transpired. Rachel, touched by Charlie’s willingness to go out on a limb for her, agrees to think about giving him another chance.

As the day ends, Vanessa is walking her grandmother back to her domicile when Lucy briefly escapes her perpetual daze and says, “Thank you for a lovely afternoon, dear.” “Of course,” says Vanessa, and hugs her sweetly, shielding her from traffic. The usually caustic Vanessa reveals she had been hiding a warm and affectionate side we hadn’t seen until this moment.

In the kitchen, Tom asks Dylan if there’s any truth to the rumor that Rachel and he were involved, but Dylan interrupts, reminding him that the condom was theirs. Tom replies, “I know…but with all the talk I thought there might have been….” He relaxes and apolozizes, finally accepting the fact that everything is going to be okay. “What a day,” says Tom. “I can’t believe I’m going to be the new boss.” Dylan smiles: “Yeah, well, just remember who’s the boss in the bedroom.” It turns out that Tom and Dylan are a healthier, more loving couple than any other we’ve met on this crazy day at the Black Cat Cafe.

STARRING: Mena Suvari, Breckin Meyer, Marsha Thomason, Katherine Heigl, Mike Vogel
DIRECTOR: John Cosgrove
STUDIO: Meurer Productions
RATING: NOT RATED (But Language, Nudity, Sexual Situations abound)

Caffeine Trailer

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